The Musings of Merlin
by Ellessaria
Summary: A drabble for each of the 65 episodes of Merlin, all from the warlock's perspective. Humour for the most part, though they may stray from time to time. Rated on the safer side as I really don't know what my twisted mind will come up with... CURRENT PROGRESS: Seasons 1-4 complete, season 5 in progress. (Cover art by Wil1969)
1. Strange - Tag to 1x01

Strange things have _always _happened to me; like that time I accidentally burnt my mother's favourite cooking pot. Honestly, I only wanted our supper to be ready sooner. By the time I noticed the smell, our supper was spoiled.

So was the pot. Mother was _not _impressed.

And that time I called Will an ass. It was a _week_ before I figured out how to remove his tail. The less said about that, the better.

But what happened today is strange, even for _me_. And I don't mean the dragon; I mean saving Prince Prat's life.

What was I _thinking_?


	2. Murder - Tag to 1x02

I'm going to kill that Knight Valiant. Slimy, cheating, idiot that he is. Even _Arthur_ agrees he's a creep.

Wait. Uther tried sending me to the stocks again for speaking out. Nasty man. I'm going to kill _him_ first, _then_ Valiant.

Actually, scrap that. Arthur's just sacked me, the stupid dollophead. For trying to _help_.

I'm _surrounded_ by idiots.

I'm going to kill Arthur first, then Uther, and _then _Valiant.

Hang on. Now that infernal dragon is talking rubbish again. Isn't _anyone _sane?

Right; first the dragon, then Arthur, then Uther, and _then _Valiant.

All in a day's work, really.


	3. Misjudged - Tag to 1x03

I'm not an idiot, so I really have _no_ idea why everyone seems to think so.

Gwen gave me a flower. I mean, _please_, a _flower_. Do I _look_ like a girl? I may not be the rough, tough, save the world kind of fellow that I _know_ she secretly loves, no matter _what_ she says... but a flower? _Really_?

And Prince Pratliness spotted it. Of _course_ he did. Brains of a sheep, but eyes of a hawk, that one.

I am _never_ going to live it down. He'll be calling me a girl forever.

Life is just_ so_ unfair.


	4. Baffled - Tag to 1x04

It's baffling, it really is. Alright, I know I'm not exactly a genius – not _yet_, anyway – but I'm far from being stupid, no matter _what_ Gaius or Prince Pretty Boy say.

But some things _truly_ confound me.

Take Gwen. It's as obvious as the fact that Arthur is a _total _cabbage head that the poor girl fancies the Golden Goon.

So why on _earth_ did she _kiss _me (it was nice, so I'm not complaining) right after she hugged Gaius (which I _will_ complain about – that was just disturbing in _so _many ways)?

Women are weird. I'll never understand them.


	5. Ridiculous - Tag to 1x05

Gaius is a good man – the old guy took me in and treats me like a son – but sometimes he _really_ tries my patience.

He's _always_ lecturing me. "_Don't use your magic, Merlin_!" Or "_Don't let anyone know your secret, Merlin, it will get you killed_!"

Until a stupid great griffin decides to attack Camelot, that is. Then it's all _"You'll have to kill it, Merlin," _and _"Use your magic, Merlin."_ Honestly, what he expects me to do, I _really _don't know. Who does he think I am? The most powerful sorcerer in the world?

Now _that_ would be ridiculous.


	6. Genius - Tag to 1x06

The thing with Gaius is you have to pretty much ignore the crusty-old-man-exterior and the eyebrows-with-a-will-of-their-own stuff to actually _appreciate_ him.

He likes to lecture, yes, and he has the most _extraordinary_ talent of knowing when I'm lying to him, which can be... a tad awkward. And he really is the most _atrocious_ cook, though I'd never tell him, bless his doddering old heart.

But the _thing_ with Gaius is that now and again – between all those lectures (some of them mind-numbingly tedious) – now and again, he gets it _right_.

Because _of_ _course_ I'm a genius. Wise man, that Gaius.


	7. Brainpower - Tag to 1x07

You know, I'm coming to realise that while I might be a touch... _odd_... compared to the average person, I'm obviously possessed of more brains than at least _ten_ residents of Camelot put together.

First, Arthur believes that I knocked him out with a lump of wood (ha! Knocking out a lump of wood _with_ a lump of wood! My wit knows no bounds!), and then Uther swallows the utter drivel that is Prince Pratty's hunting excuse for missing some important knight thingy.

And then had the _cheek_ to ask if _I_ was mentally unstable?

Clearly they all need help.


	8. Oblivious- Tag to 1x08

I've discovered that the key to lying to Prince Pointy-Nose is to actually tell him the truth.

Morgana had only to _tell _him where to look for the druid boy, and the idiot rolled his eyes and gave up the search. Smart woman, Morgana; handy at lying when she's in a pinch. Might have to keep an eye on that...

Anyway, so I'm thinking I'll just tell the Ridiculous Royal about the whole destiny thing. He'll never believe me, of course, but eventually, when the truth comes out, I'll be able to smile smugly and say:

"I told you so."


	9. Awed - Tag to 1x09

Most of the time I'm convinced that there aren't enough words in the English language that convey how _incredibly_ annoying he is.

He never _ceases_ to spout utter nonsense; he's _always _blathering on about things that really have _nothing _to do with whatever we're actually talking about; he _completely _disregards my opinion, insisting he always knows best.

But sometimes – only _sometimes_, mind you – I suppose there are one or two things that sort of, if I'm being honest with myself, make me _not_ want to strangle him for once.

Alright, I admit it; that burnished sword is pretty damn awesome.


	10. Mortified - Tag to 1x10

When I'm at a loss of words, or feeling uncomfortable, I tend to speak without thinking. Usually I can get away with it, but sometimes I astonish even _myself_ with what pops out of my mouth.

Like today.

When Gwen gave me that sword.

Did I swing it in a strong, purposeful way? Did I say something that was impressively manly, indicating my braveness, and confidence for using the knightly weapon?

No.

I held it awkwardly and said it felt _swordy_.

Oh _God_. Maybe I _am_ a girl.

I am _so_ thankful that Golden Boy wasn't there.

_Thank. The. Lord_.


	11. Revenge - Tag to 1x11

The whole kingdom is suffering a drought, people are starving, and what does Prince Piglet want me to do?

Catch a _rat_.

Honestly, talk about getting your priorities _all _wrong.

Alright, so Ratty _may_ have eaten a small part of Arthur's boot, but it's not like the prat can't afford another pair.

And then Prince Porkiness tries to imply that the rat is more intelligent than me. _Please_. As _if_.

Arthur wants a rat? Fine. _No problem_. I'll _get_ him a rat. I'll even serve the pesky thing on a silver platter for His Royal Stupidness.

That will teach him.


	12. Distracted - Tag to 1x12

I keep saying this, but I'm _not _an idiot. I have lots of things on my mind; it's not exactly a picnic when you have to keep secrets all of the time. You can't really blame me if sometimes I act a bit like a, well... _idiot_. Even though I'm _not_ one.

Like today.

In my defence, it's not often you see the king's ward plot to kill her guardian.

Still...

I am _plagued_ by my own absent-mindedness.

Because really, entering a broom cupboard instead of leaving the room by more conventional means does _not_ inspire thoughts of my competency.


	13. Vindicated - Tag to 1x13

**A/N: I'm adding an author's note at the end of each 'series' of drabbles, each one 100 words as I'd like to keep the overall word count in round 100's – it helps keep me accountable. *grin* All 13 drabbles so far have been a **_**ton**_** of fun to write. I'm guessing the drabbles for the next four seasons' episodes will not **_**always**_** be as light-hearted, as the mood of the series progressively darkens.**

**Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews so far, and I hope you continue to enjoy my snippets of Merliness!**

**I don't own Merlin. Sad, but true.**

People think I'm a bumbling idiot, and I suppose I don't _really_ blame them for it. My incurable clumsiness coupled with my inability to keep my mouth shut _does_ tend to give people the impression that I'm a bit of a buffoon.

So when Gaius gives me the eyebrow of doom, or Arthur rolls his eyes in that way that only _Arthur _can, I might get offended, but I won't let it bother me.

Because I know better.

Because I defeated _Nimueh_, and saved Gaius in the process.

No_, not_ an idiot.

But maybe – _maybe_ – just a little bit _awesome_.


	14. Perfecting Insults - Tag to 2x01

I've called Arthur _many _things since I became his manservant (and before _that_, even), and he's probably insulted me just as many – if not _more_ – times.

It's fun, to be honest. Especially when I can shock him into pulling that face that sort of reminds me of a surprised sheep.

Not that I've ever _seen_ a surprised sheep – can a sheep even _look_ surprised? – but Arthur's face after I've insulted him does look rather lamb-like.

Today was no exception, and I _do_ believe it was the best sheep-face I've ever gotten out of him.

_Clotpole_. My ingenuity knows no bounds.


	15. Hereditary Madness - Tag to 2x02

Sometimes I really _do_ worry about the stability of the Pendragon family's mental health.

First Arthur makes up this _ridiculous_ story about some mythical creature that could pose a threat; _honestly_, the body of a lion, the wings of an eagle, and the face of a _bear_? Why not add the horn of a goat and the ears of a rabbit while he's at it, the stupid dollophead?

If _that's_ not batty enough, Uther is completely taken in by it!

And we let these idiots rule _Camelot_?

Sometimes I have to wonder if that dragon is simply laughing at me.


	16. Seriously Amusing - Tag to 2x03

The funniest thing about Arthur is that he _thinks _he's funny, but he really isn't. Well, except when he doesn't_ intend_ to be funny, but ends up being hysterical anyway.

Like this evening, when he tried to give me advice about girls. I was both greatly pleased (he was actually acting quite _friend-like_, and not his usual prattish self) and incredibly amused (so much that I almost bit my tongue in half in the attempt to hold back my laughs).

_Arthur_? Giving advice on _women_? The man who's too stupid to realise he's _completely_ besotted with Guinevere?

Nice try, Arthur.


	17. Resisting Temptation - Tag to 2x04

I'm not one to gloat, even when I'm right. That would be childish.

So when His Pratness let slip his intention to marry Guinevere, I was very, _very _good, and resisted the urge to say '_nun nuh nah nuh nuh, I toooooold you so_!' in favour of a more adult response.

Because clearly I'm _not_ a child, and must remember not to act as such.

Personally, I think I deserve a reward for demonstrating such admirable restraint. It was a heroic effort, after all.

Not sure Arthur would agree.

Even though I was right.

Not that I'm gloating, of course.


	18. Peeping Tom - Tag to 2x05

Why is it that Arthur – who is quite probably the_ least_ observant person in all of Camelot (except perhaps Uther) – manages to pick the _worst_ time ever to actually use his eyes for something other than exasperated rolling?

I agree the evidence was somewhat incriminating, but still... it's quite disturbing to think that Prince Oblivious thinks I'm a voyeur.

I do _not_ spy on women without their knowledge. Or even _with_ their knowledge. That's just wrong. As to spying on trolls – in the way that Arthur _thinks_ I am spying – that's not only _wrong_, but slightly disturbing.

Now I'm traumatised.


	19. Undeserved Reprimand - Tag to 2x06

Had a bit of a tiff with the dragon today. It's_ possible_ that I may have been a tad harsh with old Lizard Face, though honestly, the situation _did_ call for some very firm words.

Actually, the situation probably called for a great big slap across his face, but I suspect that might have been a bit much for the old boy. And I _do_ have the presence of mind not to anger a dragon, being quite fond of my body remaining flame-free.

Feeling slightly guilty now, though. I mean _Uther_. With a_ troll_. Can't really blame him for laughing...


	20. Mostly Blameless - Tag to 2x07

I saved Gaius from a bit of a sticky spot today. Least I could do, really, seeing as he was trying to protect me.

Not that it was _my_ fault, naturally.

Well. Maybe it was a _teensy, tiny_ bit my fault, but we won't go there. Accidents _do_ happen, after all.

Speaking of which, there was another slight accident today. I freely admit to planting a toad in Creepy Old Guy's throat, but the falling to his death thing had absolutely _nothing_ to do with me. Nope. Not my fault, not one little bit.

Well, maybe a _teensy, tiny_ bit...


	21. High Praise - Tag to 2x08

Well, well, well, guess who's _Mr Popularity_ today?

First, Prince Arrogant thanked me (well, he mumbled about being indebted and such like, but in Arthur-Speak, that's like a great big hug), then the _king_ himself actually honest-to-goodness said he was _grateful_ for what I'd done.

Alright, he also threatened to _hang _me if I ever spoke of what happened, but that's Uther for you. Can't expect miracles, after all.

Then to top it off, Gaius beamed – beamed! – at me, and said he was _proud_.

_See?_ Mr Popularity.

Better savour the moment though, I'll be back to being an idiot tomorrow.


	22. Slightly Misunderstood - Tag to 2x09

Gaius thinks I'm insane.

Alright, I admit that _humming_ whilst eating my lunch isn't exactly typical behaviour for me, but honestly, you'd think he'd be pleased that I'm in such a great mood, not concerned over my mental health.

I'm not mad, I'm in _love_.

Love, love, love, love, _love_.

_God_. I sound like a _girl_. Better make sure I don't say that out loud; Arthur would _slay_ me.

Speaking of which, _he _thinks I'm insane too, though it's possible that might have something to do with the dress I was borrowing...

Oh well, who cares anyway? I'm in _love_.


	23. Honest Mistake - Tag to 2x10

Arthur's going to kill me, and this time it _truly_ wasn't my fault. I mean, what was I _supposed _to think when he said he wanted to woo a woman?

By the by, that was a _strange_ conversation – _"My job is to woo." "To what?" "To woo."_ – we sounded like a couple of babbling owls.

Anyway, after asking me for advice (oh, how I'll _savour_ that moment), I simply did what Arthur asked of me.

See? _Not_ my fault. It's not like I _knew_ he was enchanted.

This is _not_ going to end well. Not well at all.

I'm doomed.


	24. Disbelieving Eyes - Tag to 2x11

So I saw glimpse of the future today; visions of fire, chaos, and a slightly annoyed dragon, if I'm not mistaken.

That crystal had dark magic, obviously. I mean, the only way any of that could_ possibly_ happen was if some idiot released the old lizard from the bowels of Camelot, and who would do _that_?

Alright, so I _may_ have _sort_ of promised the old boy that one day I'd set him free, but I was _very _clever, and I made sure I was vague about when _exactly_ that day might be...

Not any day soon, that's for sure.


	25. Small Pleasures - Tag to 2x12

Most days at Camelot are filled with endless washing, polishing, and picking up after His Spoilt Highness. Quite boring, really. Not to mention disgusting.

Have you ever _smelled_ Arthur's socks?

_Other_ days, however, are pretty eventful. It's not often you get to slap a prince, poison a witch, poke fun at Uther, and release a _dragon_ all in the space of several hours, after all.

Not that any of these events are things that I'm overly proud of.

Except maybe the slapping the prince thing. That was a brief, yet _shining _moment.

_Crack!_

Ahhh.

It was beautiful, it really was.


	26. Foolish Hope - Tag to 2x13

**A/N – Well, that's series two all drabbled! It's been tricky to find humour in some of the episodes (2x09 and 2x13 more particularly), but I think I just about managed it. Some of the episodes truly called for a little angst, but it's like Merlin is slyly whispering in my ear, and the angst refuses to come to me.**

**Anyway, **_**thank you**_** to everyone for reading and following, and for letting me know that these little snippets are amusing you. I'm **_**so**_** glad they are, as they amuse me no end. *coughs***

**I don't own Merlin. Which is probably fortunate...**

There are times – not often, and _very_ fleeting – but there _are_ times when Arthur isn't nearly as oblivious as he usually is. Still completely clueless, of course, but insightful nonetheless.

It was actually quite _sweet_ the way he tried cheering me up. Not that I'd ever _tell_ him that, of course.

Its times like this that I think he _might_ actually turn out to be a pretty decent king.

Until the idiot reverts to form, and swallows the utter _drivel_ that I feed him about how he supposedly defeated the dragon just before he passed out.

What a _complete _dollophead.


	27. Willpower - Tag to 3x01

You know, Prince Pratface is _so lucky_ that he shares a destiny with me, because sometimes I get the distinct urge to throttle him.

An hour. _An hour_. That's how long it took to scrub his floor. Not only does the twit walk all over it, but when I explained how much work was involved in scrubbing the place, what does he do?

Scrubs my_ face_ with the dirty rag. And then sticks the bucket – dirty water included, mind you – over my _head_.

I almost turned him into the toad that he is.

Lucky, I tell you. So, so lucky...


	28. Swift Exit - Tag to 3x02

I've come to the somewhat disturbing conclusion that Arthur Pendragon _may_ have a few anger issues. Not that I'm an expert or anything, but the evidence speaks for itself.

_Ransacked_. That is the only word I can think of to describe the state of his chambers when I opened the curtains this morning. It was obviously the work of a madman.

And when I made a small comment – _trifling_ really – about how he was clearly grumpy from lack of food... well, the prince went absolutely _bonkers_.

It was only my stallion-like speed that saved me.

Fleet of foot, that's me.


	29. Caught in the Act - Tag to 3x03

I'd love to know what I've done to make Fate torture me so badly, I really would, because clearly I am destined to be the butt of Her joke time and time again...

I love Gwen dearly, I really do, and we're the best of friends. But I suspect that she only likes me so well because she's thinks I'm, well...

First the flowers, then the dress. And now this. Caught _again_ with something that looks suspiciously like I'm, well...

I am _not_ hankering after Morgana's bracelet. I'm _not_ a secret lover of feminine frippery.

I am _not_ a girl!


	30. Poetic Irony - Tag to 3x04

I'm so clever, I really am. And a poet, to boot.

And Artie is _so_ dumb. And maybe a little deaf (might have to get Gaius to check that, now that I think about it).

Somebody tell me how _simple part's right_ sounds remotely like _the sun is very bright? _Honestly, the syllables are _completely_ wrong for a start.

Not that Prince Ridiculous would ever notice something so subtle, of course; he's hardly the brightest candle in the castle.

Still, it has to be said that the irony just kills me. Artie obviously thinks _I'm _the one that's stupid.

_Me?_


	31. Frustration vs Destiny - Tag to 3x05

Lost my patience with Prince Persistent earlier, though I don't think anyone would blame me for it.

The _one time_ that I actually controlled my tongue, and didn't let it wrap itself around an endless stream of prattle, and the stupid man pokes, pushes, and _refuses_ to desist with his incessant questions.

Just _once_, it would be nice if the stupid prat would open his stupid eyes and engage his stupid brain. Could he not _see_ I was preoccupied?

Sometimes I want to bash some sense into his stupid head.

And then I remember.

Damn Destiny gets me every time.


	32. Life's Little Puzzles - Tag to 3x06

One of the biggest ironies of my life is that the few times I'm actually speaking and acting more like my true self, are the times when I am talking about the _one thing_ that makes me act out of character to begin with.

I mean, _honestly_, the clumsiness is not an act – much as it _pains_ me to admit it – but the stupidity is really just a ruse. It's ridiculous that when I am lying, Arthur believes me implicitly, but when I am being truthful, he thinks I'm uttering complete nonsense. _Idiot._

Destiny. It'll be the death of me...


	33. Alternative Swordplay - Tag to 3x07

I've always been somewhat on the leaner side, and I suppose, compared to any of the knights, I'm probably considered downright scrawny, or, heaven forbid, _girly_.

But size isn't everything. I can look after myself.

Mostly.

Well, if I use magic, anyway.

But that's not the point.

I may be delicate – _no, too girly... er, slightly built?_ – but is it_ really_ such a surprise that I can bash someone with a sword and knock them out? I'm not _completely _useless, after all.

Maybe I should actually _poke_ someone with a sword, rather than bash them next time.

There's a thought.


	34. Brotherly Love - Tag to 3x08

God, I absolutely _love _Gwaine. In a totally platonic, and _completely _brotherly way of course, because despite my slightly-built frame, I am _very_ much a man, and do _not_ hanker after manly knights (or any _other _type of knight, for that matter).

_What was I saying?_

Oh yes. I love Gwaine. He's brilliant. A man after my own heart.

Platonically speaking, of course.

_Why_ do I love him?

Because he called Pratface out on his princess-y-ness.

_Arthur_. Who's _always_ calling me a girl. Basically being called... a _girl_.

Absolutely _priceless_.

And that's why I love Gwaine.

As a brother.

Obviously.


	35. Blooming Insult - Tag to 3x09

You know, it's starting to get a bit beyond now, it really is...

I don't know where Prince Pompous gets his ideas from, I really don't. And as for his insults, well, they're ridiculously stupid. Quite pitiful, really.

Not to mention they make absolutely _no _sense.

Because honestly, how does having a lance thrown at me, followed by a pummelling from a mace, inspire him to infer that I'm a flower?

I could think of _far_ better words. Brave, competent, and resilient, to name but a few.

But _noooo_... Arthur calls me a _daffodil_.

What _is_ it with that man?


	36. Royal Matchmaker - Tag to 3x10

I've been called a lot of things in my time. Apart from _Merlin_, that is, which, as it's my name, isn't really surprising. And then there's the whole 'Emrys' thing, which to be perfectly honest, is still a bit weird.

And we mustn't forget Golden Git's names for me, either. Not that I'll repeat them, because they really aren't worth my time.

But this is the first time that _I've _thought of a name for me. And, despite the undeniable _girly-ness_ of it, I still think it's quite fitting.

Cupid.

Yep. _Cupid_. All I need is a bow and arrow.


	37. Epic Fail - Tag to 3x11

Despite appearances, I'm really rather good at a lot of things. I'm fairly nimble on my feet in a pinch, and I'm a pretty fast thinker when required.

And obviously I have the patience of a saint. Actually, that should be listed as a job requirement for serving Prince Peculiar, now that I think about it.

_Anyway_. I'm good at stuff. But I _may_ have to brush up on my boosting morale skills because, with hindsight, it probably wasn't one of my better ideas to inform Pratty about how many people usually die in the tournament he's currently participating in.


	38. A Wee Bit Smug - Tag to 3x12

I love Gwaine, I really do. And I suppose, if I'm being honest, I'm _sort_ of fondish of Blondie as well. But _oh. My. God_. They are like a couple of three year-olds.

I'm younger than both of them, and yet _clearly_ I'm the adult of the group. Honestly, squabbling like little boys, with each one trying to get the better of the other. So, so childish...

Especially as they were both so _obviously_ in the wrong. If it wasn't for _me_, we'd all be dead. _I_ won that game, and I had them _both_ banged to rights.

So there.


	39. A Hero Once More - Tag to 3x13

**A/N – So here we are, series three all drabbled. Thank you to everyone who's followed, favourited and reviewed! I'm tickled pink that so many of you are enjoying my nuttiness! *grins* Still trying to keep these as amusing as I can, but the angst that I love so much is rampant throughout seasons four and five, so I'm not sure how amusing they'll turn out to be. I'll keep trying for humour though! I need to write the epilogue for my longer fic before I return to this, but there'll be more drabbles after the weekend. Thank you for reading!**

Great day all round, today. Lancelot turned up – finally! How longdoes it _take_ to respond to a desperate plea for help, anyway? – and he brought a friend.

Big bloke, that Percival. _Very_ big. Makes me feel... very _small_.

Anyway, _other _good stuff... I saw Freya, which was nice. Kind of traumatizing, but in a good way.

I think.

And Artie set up the round table and knighted a few people. That was _definitely_ good. _Morale-boosting_, you might say (might need to take a few notes, actually).

And then I totally saved Camelot. _Again_.

Pretty decent day, all in all.


	40. Inappropriate Eye Rolling - Tag to 4x01

Arthur rolls his eyes. A _lot_. He rolls them when I answer him back, or if I manage to beat him in one of our insult matches (which, as I often _do_ beat him, probably accounts for the sheer amount of times that he _does_ roll his eyes).

And sometime he rolls them because he can't think of anything to say (again, I _did_ say that he rolls them a lot).

But when I have collapsed, and am shaking with cold and terror, you'd think that he'd have a different reaction...

That's alright, Arthur; I'm _fine_. Honestly. Thanks for asking.


	41. Best of Friends - Tag to 4x02

He's a good man, Lancelot. Looks out for me like an older brother. He's noble, brave, undaunted by dragons (which, if I'm honest, impresses me more than anything else), and when he teases me, it's with none of that nastiness that so often goes hand in hand with poking fun at someone.

Not like _certain_ people I know... not that I'll mention any names, of course. But that certain person could be blonde.

And royal.

And maybe a bit of a twit.

And possibly my employer.

_Anyway._

Good bloke, Lancelot. I'm pretty sure I've got a friend for life, there...


	42. Destiny's Little Joke - Tag to 4x03

I have to admit, sometimes I really do wonder if Destiny didn't make a _complete_ cock-up of a choice when it came to choosing that other side of my coin thingy.

In fact, sometimes I want to roll my eyes so badly that even Prince Chubby would be impressed with my superior ocular skills.

Not only does the man have _no_ brain – letting a _complete stranger_ throw a dagger at you, is he _mad_? – but apparently there are times when he has no trousers, either.

Arthur Pendragon; future king, fearless warrior... and a man without pants.

The mind _truly_ boggles.


	43. Hatching the Unexpected - Tag to 4x04

Responsibility is a pretty tough burden to carry. That's not something I've simply heard, but something that I've learned.

I mean, that whole Protecting the Once and Future King thing can really be quite stressful sometimes. Not to mention a little fraying on the nerves.

Actually, it can be downright annoying, now that I think about it, that Two Sides of One Coin thing notwithstanding...

But yes, I've learned that responsibility is tough. But keeping His Royal Doltishness breathing is _nothing_ compared to this.

Parenthood.

_Lords._

I'm a daddy! Who'd have thought?

And Kilgharrah is babysitting.

_That_ should be fun...


	44. Wrong End of the Stick - Tag to 4x05

I've been Arthur's manservant for many years now, long enough to know the man pretty well. That being the case, you would think that he would know _me _rather well, too.

Oh, I don't mean all the magic, the destiny, and all that prophecy stuff, because clearly he's _not_ going to know about _that_ seeing as I'm such a Master of Secrets.

But honestly, you'd think he'd know the most basic of things.

Sharing a _bed_? With _Arthur Pendragon_?

He actually thought that was what I _meant_?

Is he_ mad_?

This is actually quite worrisome... I fear for his sanity.


	45. Practical Advice - Tag to 4x06

I've learned quite a few valuable lessons in the past few days, lessons that should be a caution to _anyone _who prefers to go through life relatively pain-free.

One, maces are to be avoided at all costs.

Two, evil sorceresses are _also_ to be avoided whenever possible, particularly when they have a fondness for pets that slither, hiss, and have the rather horrifying ability to live in the back of your neck.

But most of all, never– and really, I _cannot_ stress this strongly enough – _never _get within three foot of an angry Gwen. Especially when there are pitchers around.


	46. Surprise Turnabout - Tag to 4x07

It's a little weird, this whole 'Emrys' thing. I mean, it can be handy – having an alias is pretty nifty when you need to keep your identity a secret – but it's a bit strange having all this destiny stuff that comes with the deal.

Strange, slightly scary, and a bit... _peculiar... _ when I have to don robes and pretend to be an old man.

But sometimes it's downright baffling. Like when that Catha bloke – who'd been in league with _Morgana_ as far as I was aware – suddenly switches sides, and actually _kneels_ at my feet.

_That_ was an unexpected perk.


	47. Stuff of Legend - Tag to 4x08

I really need to work on that whole thinking-on-my-feet thing.

I'm fine with the magic stuff – that's _easy_ – but I can't always use that, especially when there are others around.

So when I hear something suspicious, I really need to grab some sort of weapon to defend myself with, just in case Arthur or any of the knights are close by.

Because Gwaine was absolutely right; it's not like I could do a lot of damage with a fishing rod.

On the bright side, if there are any evil fish on the prowl, then I'm your man.

Hmm, I wonder...


	48. Clueless King - Tag to 4x09

I have decided that I'm washing my hands of the whole Helping-Arthur-With-Women thing.

The man _clearly_ hasn't a clue what he's doing, and I've given up trying to help him. Need I mention the _dagger_ he thought would be an excellent birthday present for Morgana? Even if she _hadn't_ been evil, it still wasn't exactly a girly gift.

And as for Gwen, well, quite apart from the fact that it's taken _years _for the idiot to propose to her, Arthur decides that a _tourney_ is the perfect betrothal gift.

Muscles, swords, and sweat.

_Everywhere_.

Though actually, Gwen looks quite happy...


	49. Unappreciated Wit - Tag to 4x10

Arthur needs help. The man is in _desperate_ need of lightening up, he really is.

Honestly, I make a _perfectly_ witty remark – and really, it was one of my better quips, even if I say so myself – and His Royal Humourless just looked at me like my brain was addled.

_My_ brain?

It's not _me_ who was stupid enough to fall asleep using a bowl of stew as a pillow, and was then too much of a stick-in-the-mud to laugh at what was clearly a _genius_ turn of phrase.

He _really_ doesn't appreciate me as much as he ought to...


	50. Deja Vu - Tag to 4x11

I've just been threatened with exile.

Really.

_Exile?_

Are you having a_ laugh_?

Once again, His Royal Stubbornness is being a _complete_ booby. He's refusing to admit he still loves Gwen (the stupid twit), and has just declared to the entire court that he plans to marry this Mithian person (whoever _that_ is).

So, being the wise and helpful servant that I am, I merely tried to _gently_ prod the raving loony in the right direction, and remind him that he was still in love with Gwen.

Which is obvious to _everyone _apart from _him_, apparently.

Here we go again...


	51. Risking Wrath - Tag to 4x12

I know I shouldn't.

I really, _really_ shouldn't.

But it's just so _tempting_!

Honestly, I'm sure _anyone _else would do the same thing. Even if it meant several trips to the stocks. Or if it meant Arthur would probably skewer them with a spoon.

But truthfully... how many people _could _resist? I thought that seeing Artie in too-small peasant clothes would be enough, I really did. And then, when I said he was a simpleton... well, _surely_ that was enough petty revenge. Or so I told myself...

Apparently not, though.

Arthur Pendragon. Washing dishes.

Too wondrous an opportunity to miss...


	52. A Little Repetitive - Tag to 4x13

**So... that's a wrap for series four! I'm not as pleased with this batch as I was with the first three seasons, but I think it's because I struggled with finding an amusing twist for some of them. I'm pretty sure that season five will end up being angsty, because I know for a fact that I won't be able to find humour in most of the episodes. Season five was just so epically tragic, and full of lovely, lovely whump. *sighs***

**Thank you to everyone who has read, followed, and reviewed my little snippets of Merlin! See you soon!**

This is getting to be a habit, it really is.

It's like everything repeats every year or so; I spend my time acting the idiot, while Arthur gets the credit for defeating an enemy, cutting down bandits, or saving Camelot... blah, blah, _blah_.

Meanwhile, _I'm _the one who has to do the truly icky stuff – and sometimes even the _awesome_ stuff! Look what I did with Excalibur! – and yet I get called the coward, the lazy fool, or the useless _girl_...

Alright, so Arthur _is_ kind of great and everything.

But still.

_I _saved Camelot! _Again_!

A little _gratitude_, maybe?


	53. Winds of Change - Tag to 5x01

I'm generally considered a happy-go-lucky kind of guy, and this is something that I've encouraged over the years. After all, having a cheery disposition has really helped with some of the less-than-cheery situations I've found myself in. You know, like bringing Arthur back from the brink of death, that sort of thing.

But there's nothing like a short, sharp shock to the system to wake you up, so to speak. And seeing a vision of Arthur – who has actually grown on me, despite his never-ending pratishness – being killed on a battlefield was definitely a short, sharp shock.

Times are changing.


End file.
